journal Archive

Happy Vday

Thing number five hundred and one that I like about Los Angeles: I have a Valentines reservation at a restaurant which is supposed to have a good fixed price menu. At 10:45pm. P. M. Love it.

Forrest and I did Playboy’s Night Calls again yesterday. Didn’t go as well as the first one, although it was still fun. I never ever do this, but I had totally spaced on the fact that I was supposed to go there. I had been thinking about booking one or two of my favorite girls from Gothic Sluts and Barely Evil, but didn’t. Usually the head guy over there’s assistant would have faxed me a callsheet a couple days beforehand, so there would be no way to forget. Only a friend of hers overdosed last week and she was at a funeral. Usually, I would put it in my calendar, but we booked it when I was in Vegas, after I had been there for over a week and was a little dragged out.

Defended a friend of mine on a board today when someone asked if he was a complete idiot. I pointed out that my friend is good in business, sophisticated, and good-looking. Not an idiot. So this dude, who doesn’t even have anything in his sig to identify himself, starts in with what is my favorite restaurent in Paris. I thought that was stupid, but I answered the question. So the guy accuses me of looking it up in Google.

One thing I hate hate hate about the internet is that you never know if someone is looking something up in Google or whether you really have something in common with them. Like, if one was chatting in ICQ and made an allusion to how “My favorite weapon is the look in your eyes,” it would take a person no time to be like, “oh yeah, I loved Rape and Honey.” But you have no idea if they really did or didn’t feel like showing up. You really don’t know whether you are connecting.

In person, it would take a moron to think I had never spent time in Paris. I’ve lived in Germany, Belgium, Switzerland, and England. I can discuss this at length with no internet connection. But, on the internet, apparently everyone is sort of reduced to moron status because it is so hard to know whether or not the answer to a question comes from Google or the heart. Although probably, in this instance, the person attempting to debate me on my friend’s merits actually *is* a moron.

Sent out a newsletter this morning. Should work on a site update, but I think I’m going to go finish primping. Happy Valentines Day!

Thing number five hundred and one that I like about Los Angeles: I have a Valentines reservation at a restaurant which is supposed to have a good fixed price menu. At 10:45pm. P. M. Love it.

Forrest and I did Playboy’s Night Calls again yesterday. Didn’t go as well as the first one, although it was still fun. I never ever do this, but I had totally spaced on the fact that I was supposed to go there. I had been thinking about booking one or two of my favorite girls from Gothic Sluts and Barely Evil, but didn’t. Usually the head guy over there’s assistant would have faxed me a callsheet a couple days beforehand, so there would be no way to forget. Only a friend of hers overdosed last week and she was at a funeral. Usually, I would put it in my calendar, but we booked it when I was in Vegas, after I had been there for over a week and was a little dragged out.

Defended a friend of mine on a board today when someone asked if he was a complete idiot. I pointed out that my friend is good in business, sophisticated, and good-looking. Not an idiot. So this dude, who doesn’t even have anything in his sig to identify himself, starts in with what is my favorite restaurent in Paris. I thought that was stupid, but I answered the question. So the guy accuses me of looking it up in Google.

One thing I hate hate hate about the internet is that you never know if someone is looking something up in Google or whether you really have something in common with them. Like, if one was chatting in ICQ and made an allusion to how “My favorite weapon is the look in your eyes,” it would take a person no time to be like, “oh yeah, I loved Rape and Honey.” But you have no idea if they really did or didn’t feel like showing up. You really don’t know whether you are connecting.

In person, it would take a moron to think I had never spent time in Paris. I’ve lived in Germany, Belgium, Switzerland, and England. I can discuss this at length with no internet connection. But, on the internet, apparently everyone is sort of reduced to moron status because it is so hard to know whether or not the answer to a question comes from Google or the heart. Although probably, in this instance, the person attempting to debate me on my friend’s merits actually *is* a moron.

Sent out a newsletter this morning. Should work on a site update, but I think I’m going to go finish primping. Happy Valentines Day!

This comes as absolutely no surprise

Big Boo-tay!

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Big Boo-tay!

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Did you know?

“Users of alcohol endorsed Evite designs must be of legal drinking age.”

PS I am soooooooo gawth

I am so Gothic, I just masturbated to the suicide episode of The O.C.

Why Do “Goths” Throw Terrible Conventions?

I just posted my experience with supposedly Gothic conventions elsewhere, but I thought I should perhaps start an actual entry thang about it.

GothCon in New Orleans did not impress me, but I had a great suite at a non-sucky hotel and had a lot of fun in Louisiana with my pals.

Convergence in Las Vegas, on the other hand, was the single worst convention I think I have ever been to under any circumstance anywhere, but I had a pretty good suite at a non-sucky hotel and had a lot of fun in Nevada with my pals.

Why do people who try to throw these things (a) get the worst hotels possible, (b) totally fail to put on decent programming, (c) inspire an atmosphere of unfriendliness, and (d) suck.

“Users of alcohol endorsed Evite designs must be of legal drinking age.”

I am so Gothic, I just masturbated to the suicide episode of The O.C.

I just posted my experience with supposedly Gothic conventions elsewhere, but I thought I should perhaps start an actual entry thang about it.

GothCon in New Orleans did not impress me, but I had a great suite at a non-sucky hotel and had a lot of fun in Louisiana with my pals.

Convergence in Las Vegas, on the other hand, was the single worst convention I think I have ever been to under any circumstance anywhere, but I had a pretty good suite at a non-sucky hotel and had a lot of fun in Nevada with my pals.

Why do people who try to throw these things (a) get the worst hotels possible, (b) totally fail to put on decent programming, (c) inspire an atmosphere of unfriendliness, and (d) suck.

Yay!

Yay! Forrest is going to come play with me now!

Funny

Thought for the day: It is funny which things seem like a big deal at the time, but later on are totally microscopic. And which things you think have to pass some day, but the pain never fades, even if it does pass from day-to-day thought. Sometimes something just flips a switch. The things that torment my little brain the most are ones that center around lost potential, missed human connections, things that should have turned out different, situations where I don’t like how I handled them, where I wish I could go back and do the right thing, make them right, even if they don’t really impact my life now.

My Lacuna score is 37. I guess I have a dark sense of humor because I think the following evaluation is hilarious:

“Wow, you have some major damage control that needs to be done. We didn’t think that people would need this much work, but we are happy to accommodate! Your treatment could take several visits, but this procedure will work wonders on you. The toxic memories that you harbor will be erased, leaving you with a whole new lease on life. These people and situations that haunt you have controlled your life for too long, call Lacuna today to get your fresh start!

Let us know if you are interested in our Tortured Soul level membership card. Just pay a yearly rate and this card will get you a discount on all of our services, even the most in-depth procedures we offer!! In addition to our monthly publication, you will be eligible for our bimonthly drawing for a buy one get one free procedure. (Offer valid if the procedure is of equal or lesser value than that of the purchased one)”

Alas, the procedure is John Malkovich.

Late Night Fun with Bad Apples and Karma in Flight

I keep a diary partly so that I will be able to see how I might have felt terrible at one point, but I felt great later. I’m dehydrated, but I don’t feel like putting clothing on and walking the 50 yards to 7/11 to buy water. I live in LA people; I am not going to drink the tap water, no matter what Penn Jillette says. I closed my ICQ because it was getting on my nerves. I closed the little browser windows with various webmaster boards I was posting on. That world has become so competitive that the largest board had to disable the search function because assholes kept hitbotting it. I’ve got pretty good intelligence on who some of the assholes involved are, but I don’t intend to share it.

I’m bummed that there is always one fucking fly in the ointment in every community I find. I had a most excellent chat with sinisher today and it occurred to me while we were talking that there are certain patterns of unappreciativeness on the part of models which I’ve complained about here before, but really there is just one really sociable bitch who has been a real problem. It is not so much a pattern as one jerk spreading the hate.

In the adult webmaster world, there is like one person who is pissed he didn’t get to fuck me and his manservant who I’ve got issues with. It is not even like I’m angry there. I’m just disappointed because they both seemed cool at first.

When I was at Wesleyan, there was one cunt who insinuated her way into my social circle and fucked my boyfriend and cozied up to one girl in particular I’d been close with beforehand. I was devastated by this. Mind you, my boyfriend broke it off with the girl when I asked. He destroyed gifts she had given him and sent them back to her. I later fooled around with the chick’s husband and gave him furniture and bedding, so she knew I’d been there. The girl later dropped out of school and went to work at a car dealership. I guess karma got her and thank goodness I didn’t marry that guy. But I fled to the DC punk scene because that whole world had become too painful to me because of basically the acts of one bad apple.

I felt the most intense sense of coming home to where I was always meant to be in DC in that world. But when my best friend and I had a falling out because he suddenly discovered he was jealous when I got into a serious relationship . . . well, I felt like the whole city was coated with pain in a way where I had to leave.

So I fled to Atlanta. And let’s be fair here. Pretty much everyone in Atlanta sucked.

One of the things I loved about Los Angeles was its soft plastic love. So long as I was doing okay, it seemed like people would at least fake like they liked me and be pleasant. Even if you don’t like someone, it is polite to shake their hand and ask how they are doing. I didn’t mind. This seemed to work well for quite a while.

Then one club promoter who should have been on my dick was rude to me in front of witnesses. Karma kicked his ass hard. Both his clubs failed after I stopped supporting them.

A band I had done free promo work for had me cut from the guest list at my favorite club because someone told them the totally false rumor that I was thinking about suing them for the $900 I would have been owed from their breach of contract. I don’t think they thought I’d be more likely to sue if I laid eyes on them, but maybe the guilt was too much. They got terrible pictures shot of them by people who didn’t get what they were doing like Forrest and I did. They were dropped from their label when they should have become superstars.

These are two pretty minor things in the greater scheme of my world in Los Angeles. Or they ought to be. And the offending parties got what they deserved.

I’d like to take this opportunity to mention to LA peeps in the house that I am doing a fuck of a lot better than okay and they are all invited to go back to making me feel extra super duper warmly welcome.

Yay! Forrest is going to come play with me now!

Thought for the day: It is funny which things seem like a big deal at the time, but later on are totally microscopic. And which things you think have to pass some day, but the pain never fades, even if it does pass from day-to-day thought. Sometimes something just flips a switch. The things that torment my little brain the most are ones that center around lost potential, missed human connections, things that should have turned out different, situations where I don’t like how I handled them, where I wish I could go back and do the right thing, make them right, even if they don’t really impact my life now.

My Lacuna score is 37. I guess I have a dark sense of humor because I think the following evaluation is hilarious:

“Wow, you have some major damage control that needs to be done. We didn’t think that people would need this much work, but we are happy to accommodate! Your treatment could take several visits, but this procedure will work wonders on you. The toxic memories that you harbor will be erased, leaving you with a whole new lease on life. These people and situations that haunt you have controlled your life for too long, call Lacuna today to get your fresh start!

Let us know if you are interested in our Tortured Soul level membership card. Just pay a yearly rate and this card will get you a discount on all of our services, even the most in-depth procedures we offer!! In addition to our monthly publication, you will be eligible for our bimonthly drawing for a buy one get one free procedure. (Offer valid if the procedure is of equal or lesser value than that of the purchased one)”

Alas, the procedure is John Malkovich.