I know some people can’t help it, but it bugs me when people are overly familiar. Like when people who actually do know me make assumptions about me, based on some rumor they heard, or some guess they made. If there is something personal and I haven’t volunteered it to someone I know, then that means that either (a) it is not the case or (b) maybe I don’t want to be poked about it for whatever reason.
When they get whatever the thing is wrong or bring what the thing is up in an inconsiderate place or time, that is annoying. But the part that really annoys me is the name-dropping nature of it. Like they wouldn’t want to have an actual personal conversation with me, but they would want to drop my name to anyone who might be impressed that they know me.
Here is an example from a while back: There was someone who I now know dropped my name constantly, after after ForrestBlack and I’d shot her at an event and working with me one time — count it, once. And I guess she fleshed out a fictional backstory for me to show how well she knew me, but she was so deluded that she started to believe it herself. So she had a conversation with me about how I never graduated high school. Uhm. I don’t have quite as much post-graduate work as I’d once assumed I’d do and I did go to college when I was 16, but I had a high school diploma in hand, thanks. I guess maybe she came up with that based on her own status (which I admit I don’t know because I’m not that familiar with her) or maybe she figured punk rock meant uneducated, as opposed to philosophically different or disenfranchised. Whatever her defective rationale was, it bugged me that she would spread something so egregiously inaccurate in order to pretend to know me better than she did (or does.) I do not think my high school graduation status is something that anyone who knows me is obliged to know. But it is really overly familiar for someone to assume they know and then make commentary about something so delusional to show other people (and me!) how well they know me.
This happen to other people?
Wow!
Yep, my best friend is a local socialite and I’ve seen people drop her name many times or even become stalkerish because she’s the “must know” person. One person apparently even made a single lunch together into a best friendship that she talked about incessantly with other people.
I do admit that there is a certain pleasure in knowing such a person, because it’s like being let ahead of the line when other folk are stuck behind the velvet rope. But I think the world of her for being my best friend during a difficult transition of working guy to stay at home dad, letting me and an infant hang out at her office for the first year and a half of my daughter’s life (until the kid started getting into stuff, then I knew the golden age of hanging out was over and bowed out before it became an issue. That’s how you stay best friends with folk, not overstaying your welcome.)
Happens all the time. Its strange.
Wow indeed. No, I’m not famous or infamous enough for that yet *grin* so to my knowledge, at least, that’s never happened.
Closest thing mighta been when I was roleplaying online with this girl I didn’t really know out of character. Our RPing was fairly heavily involved, and one day we got to talking out of character, and I referenced her past, only to remember midconversation that that was her character’s life, not hers – we had a good laugh about that, and it triggered nice OOC convo, because the point of my error was that we didn’t really know each other OOC.
ometime it’ more fun not to know, though, when you’re writing like that.
Still… I hope thi didn’t caue you trouble in the real world, you know? I can imagine omething like that snowballing way too fast, and next thing you know you’re on the cover of a tabloid somewhere. *shudder*
That’s a great story
Thanks for sharing it. Of course, being in character when you know you are roleplaying makes sense.
Its happened to me more than a few times, esp when i take breaks from going out/being seen in general… Lately I’ve heard that I’m pregnant and wanting to hide it, that I died, that I’m out of the country doing something etc etc
When I’m *not* hiding out, I get stories of “my BFF! (fill in a name) that knows all about my (fill in fictitious situation) that happened while (fill in other situation) and like, omg!” all the time. Usually its something completely wrong, and its funny/sad that I’ve gotten used to it enough to laugh most of it off unless its something that shines a negative light..
I dont know whether to send a smoke signal up that says “nothings wrong, I’m just too busy to deal with most of you” or to just laugh at all the random stories I hear.. Glad it happens to someone else as well
well, considering all of the rumours created about me from people that supposedly “know” me very well… it can be aggrivating when people come up to me and wish me luck on things i have no clue on, or tell me i’m in the prayers for other things…
let’s just say i’ve been dead now 12 times… i’ve been pregnant over 20 with NUMEROUS “rock star” babies… i’ve been several “celebrity” girlfriends… i’ve even been married twice… i already have 8 children according to rumours… i’m a coke/herion addict… i’m really a man… i’m not just a man, but a drag queen… i’m a transexual… i’ve never graduated high school (though not at 16, at 17 i was enrolled in college)… i’m a racist… i’m a homophobic…
i’ve had people i barely know try to use my name/band to try to get in on guest lists, backstage, on a bus, shop a demo. i’ve had jack asses do interviews with me and though i have either in e-mail or an actual recording of them stating something, they’ve denied ever saying it.
amelia, someone told me a long time ago some really sage advise…
when people do this to you, feel flattered… that for whatever ridiculous reason, they are doing it because in a twisted demented way, they respect you and fear you… they do it, to feel closer to you on some weird level…
and when they deny it, well, they do it because they feel stupid for holding you up in such a high regard and are regretting they own actions…
it’s not you… it’s them…
sometimes it’s aggrivating, but remember, it could be worse… you could really be a man… like me…
:-p
you sure have acomplished a lot for never finishing high school. . . I would have never guessed that
i think it’s funny when people i’ve never even met or heard of name-drop me and tell other photographers things about me (nothing bad, just random tidbits).
then i work with said photographer who now thinks this other model and i are pals and tells me how she’s doing, that she said i was a great model, yadda yadda yadda. if you’re going to name-drop someone at least make sure they know who YOU are, right?
anyone who knows you, read anything you’ve written, or has ever had a conversation with you knows you’re educated. why someone would make something like that up is ridiculous.
Ha, ha, that should be like a Mad Lib form letter for scenesters who don’t have enough cool of their own. I love how you put that!
Re: :-p
Actually, I dropped out in third grade. Pass it on. LOL
On some level, I know it is a weird form of worship, but sometimes I just feel like, wah, can’t people just be my friend without having to exaggerate and brag, ya know
you remember when you know who started that gossip trail on me…? well, you know how i stopped it…?
i shined the light on her jackassedness… yes, i just made up a word…
i started a yahoo group for the band, and every week i posted up a new rumour about me and encouraged the fans to make up bullshit rumours about me… and every week i’d come up with a ridiculous rumour…
like one week…
rumour #212
tc is really a man
rumour #84
tc is pregnant with her 24th child
rumour #34189
tc is really sleeping with every band she’s every had, past to current and a future ones
you know me, i don’t go out very often, so people tend to come up with reasons why i am not out and about… to entertain themselves and to drop the name… so when i do go out, i always hear some new ‘wonderful’ piece of polished dog turd bullshit excuse of a “juicy tidbit”…
it’s aggrivating, especially when nine of out ten times, i know the person who’s telling me about the stupid rumour, PARTICIPATED in elevating it to a new level and whatever i respond to them will exaggerated on…
person A “tc’s is a man”
person B “oh, i know, she showed me her dick once”
person B approaches me “you wont’ believe it, but i heard your a man…”
me “i just want to know what it would feel like to stick my dick in your ass…”
see, problems solved…
but again, as we’ve discussed, i’ve a perversely disturbed sense of humour…
Ha, ha, totally! Do you try to politely pretend you kind of know who they mean? I think most times people who do the weird overly familiar thing don’t say anything bad, just Martian. I guess the high school example could be kind of bad if anyone believed it, but I just used that one to illustrate because it happened a while ago (so it wouldn’t cause current drama) and it is such a comically delusional best buddies fantasy. Most of them aren’t as funny as that, just off.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, that’s one way to deal with it. I’ll be waiting in the bus station toilet for you to stick your dick in my ass! Ask anyone (who doesn’t actually know either of us.)
well, a true thing about me is i prefer bus benches on sunset over toilets anyday of the week…
all of the toilet stuff, now, that’s just rumours… but i openly admit to the bus bench… funny tid bit… (looking at calender) about 4 days from now will be my 6 anniversary of where i was in handcuffs for one of those bus bench incidents… and i still silently thank my ex-tour manager for talking the cops out of that one…
but what’s funny… the fact of the bus bench became a whole SLEU of rumours about me… just unlike others, i no longer let them get me down, i just use them to REALLY fuck with people…
person A “i heard that tc gave this guy a blow job on a bus bench this sunday”
person B “i heard that she fucked her drummer on a bus bench and got arrested”
person B “tc, i heard this awful rumour you went to jail for blowing your drummer on a bus bench”
TC “no, i didn’t have sex with my drummer on the bus bench… i had a 8 man gang bang on the bus bench… it was all fun and games until i went to jail… i had to serve 8 months in prison… i got tossed around like a salad, until i befriended jose…”
person B *blinks* “uh, jose?”
TC “yes, jose…”
person B “how would have seen a jose in a women’s prison?”
TC “didn’t you know, i’m really a man…”
see… i have fun with that shit…
No way! it usually goes like this
Me: really? I don’t know who that is
Photographer: she said i should work with you, you’re a great model, to tell you she said hi, etc etc
Me: I’m sorry, I’ve never met her, but that’s nice of her to say those things
then the photog looks perplexed but at least i’m not the jerk in the situation
You rock my socks!
I always fret that what if they are referring to someone I have at least a passing acquaintance with and I look blank when they are mentioned. A lot of people I know do use multiple names, so I often am like, oh, maybe I know them by their model name or punk rock nickname or . . . which i guess, thinking about it, pretty much leads to the same perplexed response you are talking about.
this happens to me a lot… it’s actually one reason i became pretty reclusive. my life had started to indeed seem like some sort of oh-i-know-her-better contest. yeah it’s “flattering”, just like it’s flattering when someone totally imitates you, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. i thrive on the rumors. i’m actually a cokehead porn star who has had several abortions, to name a few, the latest one being this one guy who went around telling people INCLUDING MY FRIENDS that i came on to him but he wouldn’t have sex with me because i didn’t want to date him and of course sex without a relationship is against his morals (this kid is some squid piece of shit that i never even said more that “hi” to at the local club night, for the record).
i don’t agree totally with the person who said that you seem too educated to have dropped out of highschool, nothing against you, it’s just that i’ve known college graduates who could not begin to compare to some of the pretty stellar dropouts i have had the pleasure of being acquainted with.
next time i am name dropping, i’ll be sure to tell everyone that amelia g was actually taught by monkeys after preschool. in the jungle. true story.
Unfortunately, yes, too often for comfort. It seems like my husband and I get talked more about than talked to.
As you and Forrest are more in the realm of ‘celebrities’–rather than us lowly common people
–you are more likely to be deluged with ‘unfamiliar familiarity’, as in people trying to accumulate cool points by claiming to be part of your in crowd. Where as with people like me and my husband, people make assumptions about us based upon our appearance and their own likes, dislikes and prejudices. Sad to say, I think we disappoint a lot of people when they get to know us.
Yeah, I was talking about this on BlueBlood.net and one of my fave posters over there said:
When lots of people know you, you’re just popular.
When lots of people pretend to know you – you’re famous.
So I guess maybe it is “good” on some level, but it doesn’t really feel very good. How do you deal with it when people have their jackass assumptions about you and then they get to know you some and find that they are off-base?
LOL I mean, bitch, how many times do I have to tell you they were apes, APES I say.
I semi agree with you on the high school thing. I had a terrific university experience, but it could easily have gone another way. I was top of my class in school, class president, sociable, etc. in 10th grade and then my family moved some place so nightmarish I had classmates wearing hoods try to drown me. I was fortunate enough to be quite a bit ahead on my credits, so I was able to basically double up on English to meet the graduation requirements and graduate fine. But I think about how that could have turned out awfully different if I’d gone to that school in 9th grade, instead of 11th, or just been less ahead. Also, when I lived in the DC area, I knew a pretty significant number of eloquent and well-read people with sketchy educations. (If you are thinking about moving to Los Angeles, that is a much rarer breed here.) I guess my disinclination to bring up education in casual conversation is what lead the looney mentioned above to decide I must have some “dark” secret there, as opposed to that I don’t think it is wholly indicative of anything.
I don’t think it’s ever happened to me, but I’ve certainly had to deal with gossip before. It’s insanely difficult to clean up all the shit that lingers after someone has broad-brushed your life in the public space with misinformation.
Incidentally, in case I forgot, thanks so much for all of your help with the copyright infringing bastards over at psygothic. I don’t know if you entered the fray ultimately, but I really appreciated your guidance. Very big hugs from way over here!
person A “i heard that tc and amelia both are high school drop-outs”
person B “i heard that tc rocked amelia’s socks”
person B “hey tc, i heard that you rocked amelia’s socks OFF while having sex on a toilet when you dropped out of high school…”
tc “well, you just can’t keep a good woman down. see amelia and i dropped out of high school together after we were busted selling drugs in the bathroom. we served hard time after a wonderful bus bench incident involving a 8 man gang bang. (3 of them were midgets, and there was one circus monkey, i’m sorry, i meant APE, that she knew back in preschool.) unfortunately, i lost touch with her in prison. but now i hate her, because since we are both out, she stole my lover jose.”
person B “who’s jose?”
tc “my lover from prison.”
person B “wait, you wouldn’t see a “man” named “jose” in a women’s prison. was he a guard?”
tc “no!!! fuck the police, man. didn’t you know i’m a man?”
person B *blinks* “does amelia know that?”
tc *laughs* “why do you think she sticks around? no one can resist my 12″!”
man, i love rumours…
I think it was pretty much a DMCA boot party on those guys. Glad we were able to shut them down. They may pop up again, as such people often do, but shutting down the site entirely is waaaaaaaay better than just removing the offending content. Sometimes creeps like that will make it appear to the naked eye that they have removed your story, but really sites like Technorati can still see it on the robot level and send them visitors looking for your stuff. So this is a really excellent resolution.
Ba, ha, ha, ha, your magic cockoir!
person A “i heard that tc has a magic pusswah”
person B “i heard that amelia gave it to her at 3 am one night while out drunk”
person B “tc, i heard that amelia got you drunk and you flashed your magic pusswah at a party”
tc “that’s not what happened… what really happened was amelia photographed me flashing a group of small children outside of a preschool, taught by apes, and now i’m going to be a feature on blue blood, because it was so amazing…”
person B “you FLASHED little children your pusswah?”
tc “good god no, i flashed them my magic cockoir…”
person B “i’m really confused…”
tc “didn’t you know i’m really a guy?”
I guess, maybe.
It quite often gets back to me how many people assume I’m ten or fifteen years older than I actually am. It was arguably worse when I lived in L.A. because I guess Detroit people are just naturally jaded (I’m not the only person around here who is) and couple that with the fact that I had a few friends in L.A. who habitually lied about their age cos they were convinced that if anybody in L.A. finds out you’re “over 35″, then “your career in showbiz is over” — so, I guess they assumed that since they lied to seem younger, then obviously, I was doing the same thing.
Even after I left L.A., it came to my attention on several occasions that a lot of people are convinced that I’m older. So I habitually lie about my age now, simply because there are very few people who believe that I’m actually as old as I “really” am. The downside to pulling a new age out of my ass every time I hear “by the way, how old are you?” is that every so often I’m checking my ID just to see how old I *really* am. I know I’m old enough to drink legally in the $tate$, but aside from that, I can’t even count on myself to remember my exact age.