journal Archive

The red pill or the blue pill?

A friend of mine mabe be about to go on an experimental antidepressant. I’m worried for him. All of that stuff gives me the willies. Culturally, it really bothers me that it is the goal of the brain care industry to make everyone functional but average. Want some Prozac? Just tell the nice shrink you are a lesbian. You’ll be doped up in a jiffy. Hopefully, my friend will get the placebo in the experiment and just get hazard pay without the risk.

Wow, I just posted something of personal importance to me. The folks who usually read my journal may be interested in my thoughts and my real life friends may care. Maybe people will comment with their perspectives. Kind of a cool system.

Only, as I hit post, I thought about the fact that some lawyer is likely reading it with an eye out for anything he can pounce on to ruin yet another day. Not that there was anything incriminating in it, but it makes me feel so self-conscious and ready to second-guess myself on anything I want to say.

It makes me feel sick. It makes me feel like not keeping a journal.

It makes me feel like I’m being pushed to just be some sort of creative machine. I feel like it is so extra-hard for me to just do regular person things. Between the stress and the weird watchful eyes, even though I was making a real effort to be sociable this week, I had a really horrible hit/miss ratio on my human contact. I’m hardly Madonna, so I really feel like I should have a bunch of houses and bodyguards before I have to deal with this garbage. Robot Amelia is supposed to create art people enjoy and support the scene and promote everyone in it and do favors for everyone in it, but I’m not supposed to be an actual person with actual feelings and thoughts.

A friend of mine mabe be about to go on an experimental antidepressant. I’m worried for him. All of that stuff gives me the willies. Culturally, it really bothers me that it is the goal of the brain care industry to make everyone functional but average. Want some Prozac? Just tell the nice shrink you are a lesbian. You’ll be doped up in a jiffy. Hopefully, my friend will get the placebo in the experiment and just get hazard pay without the risk.

Okay, so I’m trying to get some work done. The Spooky Links links section needs an overhaul. I need to delete links which are no longer good and I need to upgrade the script and I need to go through a backlog of links in limbo to get them approved or contact the link owners for whatever is missing etc. I’m not going to comment on the two most recent links added because I’m not sure what I could add:

Maybe I will work on something else for a bit.

Okay, so I’m trying to get some work done. The Spooky Links links section needs an overhaul. I need to delete links which are no longer good and I need to upgrade the script and I need to go through a backlog of links in limbo to get them approved or contact the link owners for whatever is missing etc. I’m not going to comment on the two most recent links added because I’m not sure what I could add:

Maybe I will work on something else for a bit.

Ya know, back when I was doing BLT in DC, there were always people who assumed that any pithy observation about human nature in the zine was about them personally. This, despite the fact that it was a punk rock zine where I and my witty chums were all entirely willing to name names and would have specified as needed. This is not a publication. It is just my journal where I jot stuff down that is on my mind, maybe to amuse my friends, but mostly to get it out of my head and so I can remember what I was thinking later. But, without a doubt, multiple people will get a bee in their respective bonnets thinking this last post is about them. Which is actually pretty funny. If you have a pretty dark sense of humor. And you look at it just right.

–Amelia G

Feeling Guilty?

Wow, it is after midnight and I’ve pretty much done nothing so far today except let people get me down. Why do people who feel guilty about their own actions have to always add insult to injury? This is not a rhetorical question. I don’t get it. I feel like maybe I should be more hostile when people do things to take advantage of me because, whenever I try to just let a slight slide, the guilty parties always have to be rude in addition to damaging. It is like they are sitting there waiting to be punished for their misdeeds, and they can’t stand the suspense of waiting, so they have to push harder to provoke retaliation.

Ya know, back when I was doing BLT in DC, there were always people who assumed that any pithy observation about human nature in the zine was about them personally. This, despite the fact that it was a punk rock zine where I and my witty chums were all entirely willing to name names and would have specified as needed. This is not a publication. It is just my journal where I jot stuff down that is on my mind, maybe to amuse my friends, but mostly to get it out of my head and so I can remember what I was thinking later. But, without a doubt, multiple people will get a bee in their respective bonnets thinking this last post is about them. Which is actually pretty funny. If you have a pretty dark sense of humor. And you look at it just right.

–Amelia G

Feeling Guilty?

Wow, it is after midnight and I’ve pretty much done nothing so far today except let people get me down. Why do people who feel guilty about their own actions have to always add insult to injury? This is not a rhetorical question. I don’t get it. I feel like maybe I should be more hostile when people do things to take advantage of me because, whenever I try to just let a slight slide, the guilty parties always have to be rude in addition to damaging. It is like they are sitting there waiting to be punished for their misdeeds, and they can’t stand the suspense of waiting, so they have to push harder to provoke retaliation.

Argh

Wow, I feel a throbbing headache coming on. I have some yummy organic lactose-free milk and some new whole bean coffee and I think it is very called for right now. Do I know how to party or what?

Wow, I feel a throbbing headache coming on. I have some yummy organic lactose-free milk and some new whole bean coffee and I think it is very called for right now. Do I know how to party or what?

Office Space

I just watched Office Space on Comedy Central. Even with commercials, that movie rocks my world. I think I am going to buy it on DVD and tape it to the wall some place very visible. So I remember to watch it whenever I feel down about my current existence.

–Amelia G

I just watched Office Space on Comedy Central. Even with commercials, that movie rocks my world. I think I am going to buy it on DVD and tape it to the wall some place very visible. So I remember to watch it whenever I feel down about my current existence.

–Amelia G

Quality Internet Surfing

I think it is important that the internet feature such items as fuckeminem.com The official website for young men torn between their desire to have sex with Eminem … and their desire to tell Eminem to fuck off as Dido sings in the background complete with photos of Marshall Mathers flashing his ass. Not to mention galleries of girls getting electroshock orgasm therapy. Incidentally, if you are the sort of person who can read journals at work but is not allowed to look at naughty pictures at work, don’t click on those links. Really. Don’t.

–Amelia

I think it is important that the internet feature such items as fuckeminem.com The official website for young men torn between their desire to have sex with Eminem … and their desire to tell Eminem to fuck off as Dido sings in the background complete with photos of Marshall Mathers flashing his ass. Not to mention galleries of girls getting electroshock orgasm therapy. Incidentally, if you are the sort of person who can read journals at work but is not allowed to look at naughty pictures at work, don’t click on those links. Really. Don’t.

–Amelia