Should goths kill emos and eat their flesh?
by Amelia G : April 13th, 2010

Unfortunately, it was Maxim Golovatskikh’s misfortune to have a cute emo girl get all hot for him. Cute emo Karina Barduchian was so into Maxim Golovatskikh that she kept right on going over to his place, even afer her mother forbade her to see him. The problem was he and his housemates were all goth-identified, but this Karina Barduchian chick was all emo and hanging out at their party pad, just flaunting her vulnerable cute girl killability. It has also been widely reported that she made fun of really uncute goth boy Yuri Mozhnov for being a florist and she was just really emo, ya know.
So, obviously, the only rational thing for Maxim Golovatskikh and Yuri Mozhnov to do was to wait until the festivities wound down and then drown Karina Barduchian in the bathtub. And cook the tastiest parts of her remains and serve them to their unsuspecting housemate Ekaterina Zinovyeva as a hearty breakfast with potatoes.
Now I’m kind of a foodie, so I used to be curious about cannibalism. Sorta grew out of it. Just a phase I guess. There have been certain warrior tribes who ate portions of fallen foes to gain some of their power, but how much mojo can one get from a cute emo girl with a crush on a gothic boi in a band? Kellie LaPlegua recently did a performance where . . .
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I’ve seen [AHEM!] nips and snips of this topic covered in various portals around “teh interwebz,” but none with the dead-sexy balance of brilliant sarcasm and rudimentary logic laid bare in its coverage of such a salient topic in this über-violent—yet sexually puritanical—society in which yes, even the most subversive of countercultures are integral components.
In a word?
Bravo.
Now, off for the caffeination I so desperately need…
Yours In Kink & Ink,
Cx