My ankle hurts

I’ve been trying to get back to the gym, hire a trainer again, etc. But my ankle is really bothering me. At this point, the last of the string of doctors I’ve gone to told me that it would probably never get better, given that it is not better yet. I feel like I’m not crippled enough to be a cripple. And I know the world is full of people who suffer more. But my mood is less chipper if I can’t get vigorous excersize and there are so many little things I can’t do or can’t do very well any more. And it hurts and it’s stressful.

For some reason, I love A/C and super cold drinks, but I find icing my ankle really unpleasant. Been doing it twice a day lately and it helps, but bleah.

I’ve been going over the initial medical care I got in my head and replaying the conversations with that first doctor and I think she really fucked up. Not that having some idea whose fault it could be really helps.

I should probably get an MRI, but I just can’t see putting together that much dough for a test which will just tell me exactly what it is which will never heal i.e. if there is bone broken off in my foot or really fucked up ligaments or what.

Most of the time, I can just put it out of my mind, except when I get dressed up to go out and can’t wear good shoes. But today it is bumming me out. I’m trying so hard to take good care.