Ugh, iced lattes, menus, gym

Ugh, I’ve been sitting at my desk for almost five hours, during which my most major accomplishment seems to be the successful ordering of delivery Thai food. I meant to go out Saturday night, but I didn’t make it. Drank a lot of coffee during this last period and I think it just really doesn’t do my system any good. Well, except for the part where I really really really really like iced lattes. Ah well, if part of my pact with the devil to get more done than the Joneses and never really age is to cut down on the espresso action, I’m sure I’ll live.

I just can’t decide on my goals for this year and that is not really characteristic. I just feel like I keep getting things I want and they keep being not quite how I envisioned them.

An example I’ve talked about in my journal a lot is how I’ve helped the careers of many models. I thought if I got my friends into lots of magazines and wrote articles about how cool they were, they would in turn (a) appreciate it and (b) hook me up when they were in a position to do so. Instead, apparently, people always want to believe they did it all by their lonesome and can’t give credit to those who helped them most. So the people I’ve gotten the most press and such tend to be the ones who are the most annoying and competitive later and the least kind.

I got tons of magazine credits. I got to have lots of people see photographic work I was proud of. But I also got a crazy bitch or two where interacting with me three years ago is the most important thing that ever happened to them and they just can not forget about me and quit bugging my current models, friends, etc.

Not sure the harrassment I’ve received was worth the vast investment of time and money and emotion. I know I got some good things out of it, but the success was not what I thought it would be. So I’m having trouble picking goals for 2004 besides picking up some new hobbies. I don’t want to pick some gigantic impossible goal, work really hard, achieve my dreams . . . and be like, wow, this wasn’t what I thought I was ordering when I read the menu.

Forrest says I am a work anorexic and no matter how much I get done, I always think I am fat. The analogy makes more sense coming from him. I am going to go to the gym now. I really LOVE living in Los Angeles where I had a choice of a number of gyms I could join where I would be able to work out at this late hour. I bet that perks me up.