Happy Halloween

A mailing list I am on just sent out their holiday recommendations of what to do for Valentines Day. Only they put Halloween in the subject as the holiday. I assume by accident.

I still haven’t finished my New Years resolutions, so I’m not really ready for another holiday. Only have a couple more days of the extension I gave myself. The only things I am sure of are work on rediscovering having some hobbies and some getting in better shape stuff. I am soooooooooo conflicted between artistic and spiritual resolve vs. financial and business.

And I’m sort of both happy and sad about some human relations things. I used to be searching so hard for a genuine peer group. But it seems like the people I should have the most in common with and be the most comfortable with are almost always antagonistic. Either they tend to be trying awfully hard to be me or they are tense that I will somehow usurp their position if they ever introduce me to a single person.

Prior to this fall, it was quite a while since I was really sociable. It has mostly been fun, but I guess I had forgotten how much wistful pain is involved in interacting with other human beings. Sometimes everything is a blast. Sometimes there is the sense of really connecting with someone else. I think there is a basic primal human need to connect from time to time.

But sometimes, in the middle of everything, and sometimes, after it all, I have this sense of loneliness I can’t quite put my finger on. And if I could figure out WTF that odd feeling in the pit of my gut is, then I could finally finish my resolutions for 2004.