So I’m still getting over being deathly ill. When the doctor looked into my mouth when I finally went, he actually jumped in horror at how inflamed my throat was. He gave me not only antibiotics but steroids, it was that bad. I have never had laryngitis for that long before. So I’m attempting to rejoin the land of the living and playing catch-up like crazy. Of course, a lot of other people who I am dependent on to make my deadlines have missed theirs without being sick and that is stressing me. I also just found out that my livejournal was reinstated for 24 hours while I was sick and then permanently deleted.

There is something really ironic about the people who fuck with me out of their insane envy. First of all, obviously it is sort of comical that they envy me when there are a bunch of things which are pretty darn annoying about being me. For example, I have to deal with people who pretend to be my friends so they can drop my name and then I have to deal with people who pretend to be “feuding” with me when I don’t even know they exist so they can drop my name and I have to deal with people who are my friends but who just wake up one morning too envious to be real friends. I can’t imagine how horrible this must be for people who are really famous on more than a subcultural level.

But the more ironic thing is that the people who fuck with me out of crazed envy usually drive me to be more successful. They do very real and very painful damage to my personal life, but this leaves me with more to give to my professional and artistic life. For those of you who know about my blog, you can read it here first that I am going to be working on a personal E/N site as soon as I finish working on the party I am working on for Swag.

I wanted to be able to just be a part of something in some of the online communities, but I don’t need to leave myself open to having my diary deleted, having all the cool supportive things people have said expunged, having my words robbed from me. I own my own server and my Daddy always told me that freedom of the press applies most strongly to he who owns a press. One of the wonderful and scary things about the internet is that we are all more free to express ourselves and get our views out to the world.

I am really upset that there are people who would agitate to get my diary deleted because they are hot for someone who feels mistakenly professionally competitive with me. I am really really upset that livejournal would allow themselves to be tools of this. I am upset that the livejournal people give lip service to punk rock ideals of community and caring, but they are unbelievably nasty and hostile. And I am just a little miffed that livejournal took pains to point out that they won’t be refunding the money they ripped off when I paid for their service because I thought I was supporting something cool.

But, in the end, stuff like this only makes me stronger and I’m looking forward to doing a new site.

–Amelia G