What I was thinking 10 years ago today . . .

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Party Tips

by Amelia G

There are a number of items you will need to throw a good New Year’s party.

1. One unwitting person’s house.

2. Two crates of pre-gummed glitter confetti.

3. Three cases of Kool Aid mix.

4. Four gallons of grain alcohol.

5. Five jars of Crisco.

6. Six underage friends who feel a burning need to . . .

Well, I don’t think I can really write anything very funny about throwing parties right now. I love throwing parties. Yeah, some asshole/close friend always offends the neighbors and pees in the backyard or vomits in the laundry machine or tries to fuck and do drugs in your room or breaks something by “just leaning on it” they swear. But I love giving parties. I’m a workaholic and I love getting an evening where my only assigned task is to have fun. Well, as the Cambodian crew we had a bunch of parties and I enjoyed that, but Cambodia as a house is no more. I was quite ready to move on and have huge blow-outs in a new environment. I wanted to live in a house with more firearms, less bickering, and a more diverse guest list. We found a place. We set a date for our first bash. We named our new home Hollow Point. We got a bad recommendation from our landlord. We were screwed. If I had some place to sleep the crusty-eyed morn of January 1, 1993 . . .